Core Values & Shame with Julie Caruso of Alchemy Coaches

Hi Julie, we’re so excited to have you here today! Can you tell us a little about your job / what you do?
I coach people through transitions- professionally and personally. Change, both good and bad is situational and happens in a blink of an eye. Transitions are psychological and happen over a longer period of time- and they require support!  Non-judgmental, agenda-free, space holding, support. My coaching work is about holding that space and supporting clients, to ensure they have a successful transition. I coach clients through a core value clarification process. And I am talking CORE VALUES. We locate your top two values. Yes, two.  We “KonMari” our way through everything that you are “suppose to” value, that you “should” value, that other people “would like” you to value. We locate YOUR true blue, brings-you-so-much-joy values. Then the fun starts and we get to work on what living into those values looks like for you. 

I love that. I feel like we all need to “KonMari” SOO many elements of our lives haha. How did you get started in this specific career?
My background is in Interpersonal Communications and Counseling Psychology. I worked in higher education for almost ten years, supporting students as they prepared to enter the “real world”.  Seeking a new challenge and adventure, I decided I would take my skill set and jump into the corporate world. I left my safe bubble of education, ventured out and found myself in roles and in cultures that were not aligned with my values.  So I went looking for support and quickly learned- there is not a lot of support once you leave the educational environment. And adulting, requires some serious support. 
So I got myself a coach, did deep work (ugly cries were involved) and emerged on the other side clearer on my values and my true calling. Returning to my psych roots, I got my coaching certification and I love what I do- walking alongside someone as they discover their own bad assery is a deep honor.

Wow. I feel like you hit the nail on the head. Adulting DOES require so much support!!

So I know you are a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator, which is a highly experiential training based on the work of Brené Brown, and you have done a lot work with clients around shame. How would you define shame??
Simply shame is the feeling of not belonging- of not being enough.

“Not-enoughness” shows up as perfectionism, overachieving, people pleasing, playing small and hiding in our own lives.
Everyone experiences shame. Nobody wants to talk about it and the less we talk about it, the more we have of it. Shame grows in conversations not had and in “sips tea, side-eyed judgment.”
Shame thrives in a scarcity culture of comparison and disengagement. Always comparing who you are or what you have to others. It leaves us making choices not aligned with our values. It leads to fear, blame and disconnection.
Finally, there is a big difference between shame and guilt, which commonly get confused. Shame is focused on self, not behavior, leaving us feeling alone. Shame is saying, “I am bad”.  Guilt is focused on behavior and is saying, ” I did something bad”. There is a big difference between those two statements.

That is so huge. I feel like so many brides don’t feel “good enough” during wedding planning with social media being what we all compare ourselves to. What sort of training do you do to educate others on shame?
In addition to individual coaching, I lead workshops and retreats on the Daring Way™ and Rising Strong™ process, which are highly experiential methodologies based on the work of Dr. Brené Brown, who has been studying courage, vulnerability, empathy and shame for the past two decades.
The process is designed for individuals, couples, families, work teams and organizational leaders. We explore topics such as vulnerability, courage, shame and worthiness. In the workshops, you are invited to examine the thoughts, emotions and behaviors that are holding you back and develop new practices that will lead to more authentic wholehearted living. 

LOVE your workshops! In fact – you have a workshop coming up!! We’ll get to that later ;-) Who are your typical clients? And who is your “ideal” client – i.e. what mindset do they have to be in to be open and willing to “do the work” with you?

While I have had some male clients and I greatly enjoy working with men, my typical clients tend to be women who are intrinsically motivated, they are earning for something more- more connection to themselves, to others and their work. They are in the “messy middle” of their lives and are reflecting on how they want to move forward with new ventures and ideas. They value self-development and see it as vital part of their life’s experience. They understand this work is tough and that is this work is theirs to do, but they see and value the reward that comes from doing it.
Client’s who really extract a lot from coaching  have an inquisitive mindset- they stay curious. Self-compassion and empathy are key throughout coaching work. Many of us struggle with those two things on a daily basis and my job as a coach, is help you garner more of that for yourself. Empathy and compassion for yourself are your two best resources in doing this work- and going through life!

Empathy & Compassion! I love it. I feel like we can all be better at that in our daily lives overall! Thanks so much Julie!

You guys – Julie is hosting a workshop next month! And she’s offering my readers $50 off! Here are the details! Email Julie to reserve your spot today!!

Julie and I have ALSO created an incredible printable for you guys to help you navigate and define your CORE VALUES! Click here to download your FREE guide! It’s so great – I did it today and loved the process!

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